


if I can't show it (if you can't see me)

by Anonymous



Category: Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Genre: Ancillary roleplay, Dehumanization roleplay, F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Seivarden and Mercy of Kalr workshop a solution to Breq's intimacy issues.
Relationships: Justice of Toren One Esk Nineteen | Breq/Mercy of Kalr/Seivarden Vendaai, Justice of Toren One Esk Nineteen | Breq/Seivarden Vendaai
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33
Collections: Anonymous, Chocolate Box - Round 5





	if I can't show it (if you can't see me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caissa/gifts).



It was hard to think about asking something I had already, blatantly asked for, and so already, blatantly been denied, but. It was worth the risk, probably. If nothing else, based on a conversation I'd had with Kalr and an astronomical number of projections she'd run- as well as certain comments she'd made about how exactly ships connected to their ancillaries during this kind of thing, and how Breq had always been somewhat of an outlier- I was fairly certain she'd hear me out.

I was less certain that she would listen to the end, and if we talked about actual, genuine acceptance of the proposition, well- Kalr hadn't technically shown me the numbers she'd gotten for that, just given me a firm _all you can do is try, so_ try, _Lieutenant._ Which she knew that I knew was a goad, but it was working.

Breq didn't look up when I entered her quarters. It might have been an advance notice from Kalr or simple habit from the six months when I'd been a constant presence; either way, I wasn't particularly grateful for it. I hadn't anticipated having to get her attention when I'd tried to plan what I'd tell her.

"Fleet Com-" I started, and stopped immediately. "Breq." Better. "There's something I- well, Kalr and I- we wanted to talk about with you."

She looked just as blank as she had when I'd walked in, but it was a good blank- a neutral blank.

"I'm sure you can recall when I-" made a fool of myself, tried to sleep above my station, presumed you were a human rather than several dozen traumatized computer programs shoved in a meatsuit- "proposed a form of clientage which you rejected."

She looked a little less blank, then. More verging on the veiled panic I'd come to read as oh-Amaat-save-me-someone-is-having-an-emotion. "I'm not going to reconsider."

"I'm not asking you to. But you- said that ancillaries had needs, sometimes. That their ships would direct them to fulfill those needs." And that she wouldn't have to manage human feelings while she did it, not that I'd ever tell her that.

And Kalr was in my head, suddenly, like we'd planned- in Breq's, too, considering how she twitched. _And here we have an ancillary with no ship and a shipless ancillary._

"Seivarden-" 

"I've thought about it," I said. "Ship can be in both our heads at once. Can see what we need and direct us to attend to each other, and you don't have to- do anything you're uncomfortable with."

"And you would be alright with that. Just with that."

I smiled a little. "I trust Ship, and I trust you."

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Digital Witness" by St Vincent. 
> 
> This is my first Radch fic, so I wasn't sure if there's a convention to tagging ship genders. I figured (as a nonbinary person myself) I should highlight both the "meh" of Radchaai wrt gender and the fact that, when gendered terms *are* used, they employ female terms.


End file.
